More than friends
Dear Aunt Caroline,
This is the first time I've ever done anything like this but I've got a problem and I think some 'professional advice'. My name is James, I'm 19 years old and I'm completely in love with a girl I work with. Her name is Michelle, I've known her for over a year and we have been very good friends and at times much more.
She knows how I feel about her but t Color he problem is I don't think she knows how she feels about me. At one point we were seeing each other virtually everday after work and going to the cinema together every weekend, but everytime I brought up the subject of becoming more than friends she would fly off the handle at me.
Sometimes she is so nice to me, and other times for apparently no reason she becomes very hostile and pushes me away, usually just after we've become very close. Sometimes we have arguments over the smallest things and we don't speak to each other for days on end, she doesn't do this with anyone else. The only time she really opens up to me is when she's had a drink, she becomes very affectionate and tells me that she loves me. But everytime without fail the next day she is hostile again and tries to push me away.
Sometimes it seems that she loves me and at other times it seems that she hates me. Some of my friends say that she really does want to be with me but she is just scared and I need to give her time, while other friends say she simply doesn't want to be with me. We've recently gone through a rough patch. I don't know what to do, I love her with all my heart but should I move on and find someone else or should I stand by her and be patient in the hope that one day she'll want to be with me?
Please help!
James
Dear James,
You've got to stand by her, she's obviously very scared of making a commitment, having an intense relationship with someone she feels a lot for, and by the sound of things she does like you and even may love you but is far too scared of something.
As most marriages, engagements, relationships fail these days who can blame her?
Has she been let down, hurt, abused, emotionally scarred in some way by a previous relationship somewhere along the line? She's definitely playing it safe getting close and then acting aloof, distant and unfriendly, she's on her guard all the time. or have you got a reputation she's heard about?
She doesn't want to be let down or hurt again, and so is denying her true feelings for you, and not going with the flow so to speak!
Its up to you I'm afraid you have to convince her you mean business and this is the real thing! Try being her knight in shining armour and just sweep her off her feet!!!
Number one priority by the way, are you both single and available? If either of you are married then that could also be a factor - Guilt!
If you're both free and single take up the courage and invite her away for the weekend, somewhere romantic, like the lakes, Cornwall or yes even London (very romantic, believe me.) You can stroll hand in hand through the park, go shopping at Covent gardens, and then have dinner or go to the flicks! hold her hand buy her some flowers, and most importantly tell her how you really feel about her women do actually like that kind of display of sensitivity you know. Tell her how she looks, you like her perfume etc., that sort of thing. and then you've cracked it.
Good luck
Regards
Aunt Caroline