I'll end up a spinster!
Dear Caroline,
As most stories begin, I have never done this before...! I feel that I need to speak/write to someone who will give me an unbiased opinion of my situation.
My story:
I have reached the age where many friends are either is serious relationships, engaged or married and it got me thinking. I do a lot of thinking anyway and am generally a pessimist about anything and everything, that way I am never surprised or upset since things can't be any worst than what I imagine them to be. Ok, I have been successful in my studies all my life and have won a scholarship to continue my research in Japan. Though, I lack a LIFE. I am 24, have never had a boyfriend, well, I had a long distance relationship for about 6 years which was bound to be a failure, and now have a huge attraction to a guy that is probably 15 years my senior, is divorced with a son and with whom a relationship would be completely impossible, unless pigs some day fly. I have many male friends and that's all they are. I am really fussy when it comes to the opposite sex and it is rare that I find someone that I think I could get along with and have a future with; and these men seem to be either older, in another country or just too shy to say anything to me.
I really wish I could find someone and am seriously worried that I'll end up a spinster! Yes, maybe I am jumping the gun a bit when I am at this age, but I honestly can't see myself with anyone. I have never slept with anyone, got anyone asking me out (well, no-one that I found remotely attractive) and to top it all I lack self confidence and really hate the looks that God decided to bless me with. There is the saying that 'you can never love another until you love yourself'...well, that definitely slams the door shut in my face then! The fact that I can't stand going to pubs or nightclubs limits me fairly! What can I do? (That's another thing. If anyone I liked did approached me and asked me for a date, I would be suspicious of their interest and would probably be too terrified to accept their offer, since I always look too far into the future...that he will end up hating me for one reason or another)...yes, I think I need to see a shrink!
Best regards,
from Miss Loopy!
Hi Loopy!!
You don't need to see a shrink dear! you need to start looking at yourself and point out all the good things you have been blessed with! First of all your intelligent (something a lot of women would love to be!) You could follow that success with a good career, and make some money for yourself to give yourself a really good lifestyle, find someone with similar interests or of a similar level of intelligence to yourself. By working in the right kind of environment for yourself you can meet and make friends with people of your own kind, who are just like you feeling you're going to be left on the shelf as you put it! I'm sure it wont be for long. Join local clubs/or evening classes/single clubs etc...
Also, Looks aren't everything believe me! having good looks are really unimportant, its what you're like within yourself, are you caring, good natured, a good listener,? Im pretty sure that you'll be able to list a few decent likeable things about yourself! and don't hold back be honest with yourself! God made us all unique you know not two people are alike, we all special and have distinguishing presence's about ourselves, you have too. When you've found out what they are you have to stand up with confidence and not allow anything to hold you back. Therefore, why wait for a man to make the first move? (no its not pushy!) If you like someone looks or personality wise (and remember its personality that really counts as you need to feel comfortable and happy with a particular person) Why not smile and say hello, it doesn't cost anything, its simple and quick and effective, it will start the ball rolling for you and if they are interested they will carry on the conversation with you and try and make a relationship happen but remember to br careful, and you're right to be a bit protective of yourself however you wont make a relationship if you're too picky! strike a balance with taking it slowly at first as friends then build build it up gradually as adultery as you see fit. Walk tall and confident in your shoes smile and be the intelligent woman that you are and you'll soon be fighting the attention off.
If you feel that you want a date with strings attached, the why not join an elite dating agency (it may cost) but you can meet people of the same intelligence and hobby match as yourself you can go out with as many as you like, they'll send you a list of names and numbers to ring if you want to, make lots of friends and only get interested if you feel that they are the right one and Im sure you'll have alot to choose from, and one things for sure they'll all be single and looking for a girl like you. (do apply safety rules and always meet in a public place and never give home Nos. or addresses until you've known them for awhile and feel sure you can trust them.).
Get out there and make yourself a social life, I know you can do it.
Regards
Caroline