A problem with food
Hi,
The reason that I am looking for help at the moment is that I am destroying my relationship, I have the most wonderful fiancé, he is just so perfect and I love him so much but I do things that I just can't believe after the event and I know that if I don't change things soon that he will leave me and give up on me. He has said that he believes that I should see a counselor, which I am going to arrange with my doctor (or if you can advise of any other options), but I am very scared about this as I just don't know what I am going to say to them. I am much better at writing my feelings rather than saying them, I'm just not much of a talker. I know that there are things in my past which cause me to be the way that I am but I feel so guilty as compared to others I have had a good life.
My father left me when I was five, I was his little girl, and lots of things that happened through that time I am sure have made me in to the possessive person that I am, I am just so scared of being let down, cheated on or the worse because I am so in love with my fiancé, him leaving me, which if I don't change fast I am going to make this happen.
I also have a problem with food. About 8 years ago for over a year I was taking a packet (at least) of laxatives a day and making myself sick. I had to stop making myself sick as I was living at home with my parents and my mum heard me so I just continued with the laxatives, on and off. When I met my fiancé 2 years ago he found out about this and made me promise to stop, which I did, it took a few attempts but I haven't taken laxatives for at least a year. The problem is though that I have now put on four and a half stone in weight which is making me very depressed and is adding to my possessiveness.
I used to love going out but now I don't want to and each time me and my fiancé go out I start an argument in the hope that we won't go. I know that I look awful, I feel disgusting being this fat. I am on yet another diet now and I really am determined to loose this weight, we're getting married next year so this is a big goal for me.
I know though that loosing the weight will be all very well but if I don't sort out the root of the problem and change this that it will always be there and the way that I am treating my fiancé will continue and I will loose him. I want to run this diet in line with sorting myself out inside. Things that I feel that I need help in are, learning to like myself, possessiveness and jealousy, anger. Maybe this is actually one problem but I don't know.
If you feel that you can give me any advice then I would be most grateful. If you know of any books that I can purchase then this would be great to as I love to read and feel that this would be a good way of helping me.
Many thanks
Claire
Hi Claire,
All this anger and trapped feelings inside you are relating to what happened to you when your were a little girl and the events and experiences that you had and the things that go wrong in the past stay with your subconscious i.e. people who leave you or abandon you, those who hurt and abuse you verbally or emotionally an physically those who are mean and bully you at all stages in your life.
The only way to conquer it all is to look at yourself and say I love you over and over to yourself look at you attributes and your personality you'll soon find some nice things about you and if you didn't have any why would this wonderful man be with you wanting to marry you now?
You have the will power to overcome these problems your will power should take you to joining keep fit or slimming classes, or get dietary books from the library and follow those if its easier its also cheaper too as you can borrow every week and get a new book every week, get keep fit and exercise books get diet recipe books and stick to them. lots of fruit and veggies are great for you cut down on sugary foods and chocs and go out for a meal with your man once in a while, be happy for your self and pretend that your confident and it will become natural to you .
You can do it Claire
Regards,
Caroline