She sleeps constantly
Hi
I'm almost at my wits end. I have been married to wonderful girl for about 8 months now. Since we got married I have tried my best to do everything to keep her happy. When we first met she was ambitious and wanted something out life (much like me, thats what atracted me to her) but over the past 8 months, she never seems happy, she stays at home, she complains that she is turning into a house wife, i told her long before we got married that i didn't want to marry a housewife, i wanted a woman with her own career.
I earn more than enough money to hire a cleaner, anyway. For the past 8 months she has had 2 tasks, 1/ get a driving license, 2/ get a job, which she, before we got married was exactly what she wanted to do, 8 months later the license form is still incomplete, she doesn't want to do anything, I suggest we eat out, no, we go somewhere, no, she never seems to want to do anything other than sit in the house and play computer games and play with the damn budgie i bought her. She sleeps constantly, i come home from work and she is asleep, i leave for work, she sleeps.
I've agreed to everything she wants, I've explained we can't move until we know where her job will be and how much she will earn, i find myself cleaning the house, doing my own ironing, don't get me wrong i lived alone for 8 years, i know how to cook and clean, but it seems a little unfair that the moment i pay all the bills which have escalated, telephone, food, electricity, gas, without question and also go to work everyday, while she sits at home doing nothing. I don't complain, i just do it.
I try to encourage her, i have offered to fund a new BMW should she get a license, i have tried talking to her, she doesn't want to talk. I know she is bored, but what can i do? She seems to expect me to do everything. Its not like she is a child either, we are both in our late 20's, she's 30 in january. All i ever seem to do is try to make her happy, i succeed but for ever shortening periods of time.
I haven't seen my friends in the last 8 months, i don't go out drinking anymore (she complains if I mention it)I wanted to go to a collegues BBQ, she wouldn't go, i didn't go. She complains if i want to go and see my parents (We've seen them twice in the last 8 months) I like reading ancient history books (sad but true) she does everything in her power to stop me.
When i was single, i used to drive for hours for no reason (its company car and the petrol is paid for) in the last few months i'm ashamed to say i have started doing it again, just so i don't have to go home, to start the next battle of making her happy.. I never lose my temper, as long as I can remeber in mylife i have lost my temper maybe twice and i can't maintain anger very long, i get annoyed but never really angry.
I'm beginning to wish i had never met her, she doesn't want to contribute to the marriage. She wasn't rail roaded into the marriage, she came willingly, i never pressurized her into doing anything, not one thing. One time, i said "why don't you fill in your license form?" the response "You told me to do it, so i wont", does that sound like an order?, I'm so confused, in May next year some stock options mature, quite a large amount, paid directly into my bank account, i'm thinking of taking it and running away and not coming back.
I love her so much, but she seems intent on doing on making me and herself miserble. I'm not perfect, i know that, i'm not always the most tidy person in the world and i pick my nose, but I'm trying so hard and she doesn't see it. I want to move to bigger house, i want to buy a 1968 california plate porsche, i want to move jobs in the next year, i get no support. All my dreams lie in tatters, there just stupid little dreams, I wanted to go on holiday, anywhere, destination not a problem or an issue, no. no interst, no enthuisam. She only want sex when she drunk... I feel so alone, so unwanted, such a failure, all my life
I have gotten by by believing in myself, when things were bad, i believed they would always get better, they did, the future always seemed so bright, i was the person everyone used to say, "if will feel of cliff into a pile of cow pooh, he would step out and smell of roses" its just not true anymore. if you can offer any advice it would be apprieciated, take care and best wishes,
Will
Hi Will,
Gosh, you’re every woman's perfect man!!! Cleaning, Ironing, job, nice car, holidays, and money, and you love your wife!!! Wow!!!! Your wife is a very lucky woman indeed.
I think she's a bit bored and lonely by the sound of things, its not your fault, she needs to get that buzz back into her life, she really needs to start living again, and get back out there into the world of work, people, different atmosphere, experiences , challenges. Perhaps you should really ask her is she's feeling OK, is she depressed? is she unhappy, what's on her mind? have you sat down and talked to her about these things you've told me?
You really need to talk about all this with her directly to achieve best results, tell her you will try and help her if she needs some encouragement, tell her to pop along to the local town centre and check out the job centres, the temping agencies, the local newspapers etc. or voluntary work in the local hospital, care centres for the elderly etc..... (just something to occupy her for a few hours a day) at least!... try and pursuade her that you love her and want that vibrant woman back she once was, because you miss her. Tell her to keep herself busy whilst at home all day, you work hard and shouldn't be expected to carry our all the household chores as well as working and bringing home the bacon( so to speak) she's not pulling her weight and falling into either depression or just plain laziness.
You must tell her that you love her, and ask her if she feels the same it is very important to have an answer on this as it may affect your decision on your future together.
If she's depressed book an appointment and go with her to the GP in your area, explain to him about her lack of interest in anything at all. he may be able to offer some advice on medication for depression.
If she's not depressed, then tell her diplomatically that she has a role to the marriage and must show you that your marriage is not one of convenience that she takes proper care of you as one should when married.Warts and all. You are not going to put up with this as you feel that since you're working and providing for her, you're doing all the giving and she's doing all the taking that's not equal and you want the marriage to work, but not if its just one sided! You deserve to know where and how you stand in this marriage if you’re going to save it now before it gets any worse.
If she still refuses to show any interest at all in anything then you go ahead and see your friends, have a social life and tell her that you intend on having a life outside work, and her and if she wants to join in she's always welcome and you’ll welcome her with open arms, she really shouldn't be stopping you from seeing your friends. If she comes round then great, if you still get no response then you should be asking yourself a few questions do you really want to spend the rest of your life like this?
Do you really want to feel limited, used, and left out, without any affection etc.... its up to you to make the decision, weigh up the pros and cons of your relationship, is it really worth saving? can you manage on your own? do you want to be happy? and what will make you happy.
If you've tried everything you can to help, save and prevent any disaster in your marriage and still to no avail, then at least you’ll know you tried everything you could, respect yourself for it and make your future a happier one.
All the best.
R
Caroline