Dale: Episode One
"Every saga has a beginning..."
Dale's Mum: I'm a bit worried about Dale, Derek.
Dale's Dad: Yeah, he tried sneaking into the shower with me today.
Dale's Mum: Oh, dear. Maybe we should talk to him. Shouts Dale
Young Dale: Ooh, what is it, bitch?
Dale's Mum: Stop it, Dale.
Young Dale: Oohh, a bit touchy today aren't we? Bitch.
Dale's Dad: Dale, tell us. Are you a pufter?
Young Dale: Ooohh, Noooooooo. Bitch, ooh.
Dale's Dad: That's all we needed to know. You can go back upstairs and
listen to your 'Boy George' records now.
Young Dale: Ooohh, isn't he a sexy bitch?
To be continued.
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Dale: Episode Two
"Every puff has to start somewhere..."
Dale: Ooh, It's my first day at university. Helloooo boys.
Dale is talking to Russell Grant and Eaamon Holmes who he is sharing a room with
Russell: I predict a swweeeeatty experience. Eaamon: Well, you can just leave me out.
Dale rushes over to Eaamon and pulls his pants down.
Dale: Oooh, you biitch. Ooh, it's soooo big.
Eaamon: What? Get off me!
Russell: Ooh, caan I jooin iiin?
Dale: Oooh, anytime bigboy. This continues for four hours
Dale: Ooh, Russell you biitch, you stained my jockstraps.
Russell: Sorry, Mr Bitch.
Dale: Noooo.... it's biiitch : Use the force, biitch.
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Dale Episode Three: Job for a Knob
After being shafted by randy Russell during his days of deviance at uni, Dale felt compelled to follow through behind Grant into fame (no pun intended). He ignored all of his familys advice to become a sailor of the seven seas and went in search of fame. We follow dale as he has his interview for a BBC 80s series:
Interview: So, erm, Bitch. Is that your real name?
Dale: Its Dale, darling, but you can call me biitch if you like, you sly dog.
Interviewer: Hmmm, quite. So, erm, what would you have to offer for the
BBC if I employed you, bit... erm, Dale.
Dale seems quite aroused by this and after some fumbling under the desk, a faint zipping sound is audible
Dale: This biitch, spank me good, spank me true. Dale just wishes that he had that dirty brown raincoat for added effect: It worked a treat last Sunday. His case comes up on Tuesday amongst other things
Interviewer: Im afraid Ill have to call security.
Dale: Oh dont be afraid, love, Ill be right here for you.
Interviewer: raised voice Stop this. This is your last chance!
Dale: Ill certainly take it.
Interviewer: So, lets get down to business Dale controls himself this time. You do realise that if you were to get this job you what be starting at the bottom of the pile.
Dale: I like the sound of that.licks his lips Id start and finish there, bitch.
Interviewer: sweating at the collar And you do know that this job would be very physically demanding.
Dale: Ill do it any way tart: panting or no pants
Interviewer: Now thats enough.
Dale: seems upset Is it?
Interviewer: Im calling security, I cant let this interview continue.
After a short wait, Dale is dragged (somewhat willingly) away by two
brazen young security guards with a saucy smile on his face. Strangely, he has
no objection to the handcuffs.
Dale: Oooh, Ill be back later with the Robinsons jam, biitch. Yes, lick it, biitch.
Dale gets the job after the BBC received no other applicants and seemed to suit his role in the one-off series, Keep It Up. He received a joint sponsorship deal with the Village People tribute band fronted by none other than Lloyd Grossman. Dale set off on his journey into stardom and became very popular within the transvestite community.
Scandal followed in the future after damaging reports about Dale and the bands drummer (the Indian bloke) although Wintons credibility wasnt tarnished.
NOTE: Dale Winton is in no way connected to Michael Barrymore
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Episode IV: No hope
Welcome to the National Lottery Stars! With your host, Dale Winton!
Dale: Well, hellloooooo boys and girls. Wow, you all look goooorgeeous tonight. Do we have a show for you tonight! Please welcome Saddam Hussein.
..
Saddam: Ello, I um Saddam.
Dale: Well hellloooooo, Biiiiitch.
Saddam: (Raises eyebrow)
Dale: Ooohh... you can suck my warhead anyday of the week, taaart.
*Dubbed over laughing*
Saddam: Unghrortuj, hhuough.
Dale: Well, you are a real charmer tonight you sexy beeeeeeassst.
Saddam: Beeetch.
Dale: No, It's biiiitch ,daahling.
Saddam: Biiitch.
Dale: Would you like to start the draw, Saddam? I'd love you to play with my balls! Oooohhhh, biiiiiitchhh, slllaaaaaag.
Saddam: Lemon Curd.
There was no point whatsoever in the above message. It's contents remain
copyrighted to BiiitchJailhouseSock Ltd. ©1999.
P.S. Dale Winton is NOT camp (from Dale's PR guy)
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Episode V: The Dale Strikes Back
Dale:'Cum' on biitch he titters, let's roll those big juicy balls.
Saddam: Let's...do...it
Dale: Oooh, I love it when you speak dirty, biitch.
Saddam: I wasn't
Dale: Oh long period of tense anticipation
Dale: Well curdy boy, let's get started
Saddam starts draw
Dale: Oooh... you're pressing all the right buttons tonight. You really are a prime B.I.T
Saddam interrupts: Bitch?
Dale: No it's biitch, darling... you've almost got it: I certainly have. balls all drawn
Dale:Well let's hope that we've picked out the right balls tonight. Some biitch will be lucky tonight, let's hoope. Let's get to business Saddam.
Bye...
P.S. Dale did not lick out his pet lizard
©1999
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Episode 6: Return of the Dale
After the draw:
Dale: Ooohh.. I'm really sweaty after that draw, Saddam.
Saddam: Yuh
Dale: Ooohhh... I do like your accent, do it again.
Saddam: Yuh a puhhf
Dale: Ooohh... would you like to lick the sweat off me, Saddam?
*Saddam pulls down his pants revealing his nuclear warhead*
Dale: Ooh... I say. They don't make them like that over here.
Saddam has a grin on his face
Saddam: Stroke eet, biiitch.
Dale: Never, I am NOT a puff, honest. (licks lips)
Saddam shoots Dale through the head.
The end?
Dale Winton is NOT a gayboy.
©1999
e-mail : bobthefish@mailexcite.com, craig@cragtek.co.uk
name : a joint effort from craig and bob