Dale

Dale: Episode One

"Every saga has a beginning..."
Dale's Mum: I'm a bit worried about Dale, Derek.
Dale's Dad: Yeah, he tried sneaking into the shower with me today.
Dale's Mum: Oh, dear. Maybe we should talk to him. ‘Shouts Dale’
Young Dale: Ooh, what is it, bitch?
Dale's Mum: Stop it, Dale.
Young Dale: Oohh, a bit touchy today aren't we? Bitch.
Dale's Dad: Dale, tell us. Are you a pufter?
Young Dale: Ooohh, Noooooooo. Bitch, ooh.
Dale's Dad: That's all we needed to know. You can go back upstairs and
listen to your 'Boy George' records now.
Young Dale: Ooohh, isn't he a sexy bitch?

To be continued.

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Dale: Episode Two

"Every puff has to start somewhere..."
Dale: Ooh, It's my first day at university. Helloooo boys.
‘Dale is talking to Russell Grant and Eaamon Holmes who he is sharing a room with’
Russell: I predict a swweeeeatty experience. Eaamon: Well, you can just leave me out.
‘Dale rushes over to Eaamon and pulls his pants down.’
Dale: Oooh, you biitch. Ooh, it's soooo big.
Eaamon: What? Get off me!
Russell: Ooh, caan I jooin iiin?
Dale: Oooh, anytime bigboy. ‘This continues for four hours’
Dale: Ooh, Russell you biitch, you stained my jockstraps.
Russell: Sorry, Mr Bitch.
Dale: Noooo.... it's biiitch : Use the force, biitch.

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Dale Episode Three: Job for a Knob

After being shafted by randy Russell during his days of deviance at uni, Dale felt compelled to follow through behind Grant into fame (no pun intended). He ignored all of his family’s advice to become a sailor of the seven seas and went in search of fame. We follow dale as he has his interview for a BBC ‘80s series:
Interview: So, erm, Bitch. Is that your real name?
Dale: It’s Dale, darling, but you can call me biitch if you like, you sly dog.
Interviewer: Hmmm, quite. So, erm, what would you have to offer for the
BBC if I employed you, bit... erm, Dale.
‘Dale seems quite aroused by this and after some fumbling under the desk, a faint zipping sound is audible’
Dale: This biitch, spank me good, spank me true. ‘ Dale just wishes that he had that dirty brown raincoat for added effect: It worked a treat last Sunday. His case comes up on Tuesday amongst other things’
Interviewer: I’m afraid I’ll have to call security.
Dale: Oh don’t be afraid, love, I’ll be right here for you.
Interviewer: ‘raised voice’ Stop this. This is your last chance!
Dale: I’ll certainly take it.
Interviewer: So, let’s get down to business ‘Dale controls himself this time’. You do realise that if you were to get this job you what be starting at the bottom of the pile.
Dale: I like the sound of that.’licks his lips’ I’d start and finish there, bitch.
Interviewer: ‘sweating at the collar’ And you do know that this job would be very physically demanding.
Dale: I’ll do it any way tart: panting or no pants
Interviewer: Now that’s enough.
Dale: ‘seems upset’ Is it?
Interviewer: I’m calling security, I can’t let this interview continue.

After a short wait, Dale is dragged (somewhat willingly) away by two
brazen young security guards with a saucy smile on his face. Strangely, he has
no objection to the handcuffs.
Dale: Oooh, I’ll be back later with the Robinson’s jam, biitch. Yes, lick it, biitch.

Dale gets the job after the BBC received no other applicants and seemed to suit his role in the one-off series, ‘Keep It Up’. He received a joint sponsorship deal with the Village People tribute band fronted by none other than Lloyd Grossman. Dale set off on his journey into stardom and became very popular within the transvestite community.
Scandal followed in the future after damaging reports about Dale and the band’s drummer (the Indian bloke) although Winton’s credibility wasn’t tarnished.

NOTE: Dale Winton is in no way connected to Michael Barrymore

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Episode IV: No hope

Welcome to the National Lottery Stars! With your host, Dale Winton!
Dale: Well, hellloooooo boys and girls. Wow, you all look goooorgeeous tonight. Do we have a show for you tonight! Please welcome Saddam Hussein.
..
Saddam: Ello, I um Saddam.
Dale: Well hellloooooo, Biiiiitch.
Saddam: (Raises eyebrow)
Dale: Ooohh... you can suck my warhead anyday of the week, taaart.
*Dubbed over laughing*
Saddam: Unghrortuj, hhuough.
Dale: Well, you are a real charmer tonight you sexy beeeeeeassst.
Saddam: Beeetch.
Dale: No, It's biiiitch ,daahling.
Saddam: Biiitch.
Dale: Would you like to start the draw, Saddam? I'd love you to play with my balls! Oooohhhh, biiiiiitchhh, slllaaaaaag.
Saddam: Lemon Curd.
There was no point whatsoever in the above message. It's contents remain

P.S. Dale Winton is NOT camp (from Dale's PR guy)

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Episode V: The Dale Strikes Back

Dale:'Cum' on biitch ‘he titters’, let's roll those big juicy balls.

Saddam: Let's...do...it
Dale: Oooh, I love it when you speak dirty, biitch.
Saddam: I wasn't
Dale: Oh ‘long period of tense anticipation’
Dale: Well curdy boy, let's get started
‘Saddam starts draw’
Dale: Oooh... you're pressing all the right buttons tonight. You really are a prime B.I.T
Saddam interrupts: Bitch?
Dale: No it's biitch, darling... you've almost got it: I certainly have. ‘balls all drawn’
Dale:Well let's hope that we've picked out the right balls tonight. Some biitch will be lucky tonight, let's hoope. Let's get to business Saddam.
Bye...

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Episode 6: Return of the Dale

After the draw:
Dale: Ooohh.. I'm really sweaty after that draw, Saddam.
Saddam: Yuh

Dale: Ooohhh... I do like your accent, do it again.
Saddam: Yuh a puhhf
Dale: Ooohh... would you like to lick the sweat off me, Saddam?
*Saddam pulls down his pants revealing his nuclear warhead*
Dale: Ooh... I say. They don't make them like that over here.
Saddam has a grin on his face
Saddam: Stroke eet, biiitch.
Dale: Never, I am NOT a puff, honest. (licks lips)
Saddam shoots Dale through the head.

The end?
Dale Winton is NOT a gayboy.
©1999
e-mail : bobthefish@mailexcite.com, craig@cragtek.co.uk
name : a joint effort from craig and bob