Out of obligation!

Hi Caroline

I love my wife very much but my feelings towards her are becoming strained due to her reluctance to engage in love making. We have been together for 8 years. For the first 2 years we had an excellent sexual relationship. Now we make love perhaps once every 3 months. During sex she is motionless and performs more out of obligation than desire. When I raise the issue it leads to arguments. I have suggested some form of counselling but she will not entertain it. I am becoming more and more disillusioned as time passes.

Thanks

Hi,

Does lovemaking hurt you wife in her private regions when you are indulging in sexual activity? Does she feel that she's not turned on enough? or maybe the timing of your wanton desire is not her timing? does she suffer from depression? or is your lovemaking the same as always and she's a bit bored? Have you asked her calmly and tenderly? about any of these issues? its quite a common problem in any marriage that both or one of the partners don't feel like it! or cant be bothered because they are too tired from work pressures, home pressures kids etc...... if something's bothering her you have to find out from her and her alone. You don't need counselling, you can resolve this yourselves!

Next time your feeling a bit fruity say, start by slowly seducing her, the gradually build it up from there, but her some flowers and say I Love You, (how often have you said that to her anyway) it could be a possible link to her unhappiness too. (sorry, but women like to hear it you know, its sad but true and really works wonders for the partners!!!!!) give it a try and you'll save yourself a lot of worrying. Its not crawling either, she might just need to hear you say those words in appreciation of what she does for you around the house, emotionally, and financially.

I know if you try what I've suggested it will get better but give her time and it will work! If there's a different reason for her not wanting sex with you at least you'll know you tried to make it better for your marriage and if it didn't do the trick then you'll have to look into what and where you want to go in your future together.

Regards

Caroline