She doesn't seem to settle!
Dear Caroline,
3 months ago I split up with my boyfriend of 11/2 years, it was quite difficult for my 5 year old daughter, as she heared some of the disagreements that went on between us. He would turn up early evening and try to get me to talk to him, but I didn't want to, so he would, in front of my daughter, bang my windows, knock the door, ring the bell, constantly ring my phone, shout through the letter box etc. He has been told by police to make no contact with me, which he hasn't for 5 weeks now. But my real concern is my daughter, she won't go straight to sleep anymore, because she says that she is worried about me!.
I have tried to reassure her that I am fine and that I will be going to bed soon. She doesn't seem to settle until i'm upstairs and in bed asleep. She seems to think a lot when she goes to bed, as she is upstairs for about 3 hours and still not falling asleep. She shouts down asking when I'm going to bed etc. she has always been very caring, emotional, etc and mature for a child. Do you think that I should take her to my GP to have a chat with him, to try to get things of her chest. I am really worried that she is trying to deal with things that only an adult should be dealing with. PLEASE HELP!
Yours gratefully,
Amanda.
Hi Amanda,
Your daughter has been in the middle of your fracas with your ex and heard and seen everything that has been happening to you both, its probably made her feel a bit unsure of what's going on in her life and in yours too. She will be a bit upset, kids are resilient though and they do forget quickly, so the best advice I can give you is, cuddle your lovely little daughter tell her everything's going to be all right and the man who was bothering you both will, not be coming back. Tell her she's a lovely daughter and you will ,not let any harm come to you or her, and if she cant sleep cuddle up to her and let her sleep in your arms, shell begin to feel secure warm, and safe again, you may have to do this for a few days, maybe weeks, but I can assure you its a better way of dealing with this than taking her to the doctors.
She needs you to reassure her by contact with her for now and you have to find time to be there for her. time will heal and shell be that happy go lucky little thing she always was with not a care in the world, because that's why you're there, you have to take the burden from her shoulders now and give her some contact caring support, be her Mum for awhile and spend that quality time together rebuild your security alone once again.
It will work wonders for you both!
All the best
Caroline