I always feel sad!
Hi,
I am 24yrs old and had an arranged marriage. We are first cousins. I have never met this person before nor have I seen him in my life.
Well it started out like this. It has been 2yrs since I got married, my husband loves me, and we have a lovely 17 month old son. But the problem is I'm not happy in this marriage. Sometimes he can change and become moody. I always feel sad, the interests I have - well he doesn't have those interests.
Last year, I started work after my maternity leave, couple of weeks later, I met a guy who is in the same shift as me. We got involved in chatting and things started from there. I've been seeing him for over a year now. He is 32 and married with 2 children. He can tell that I'm not happy in my marriage. At work he buys me drinks and foods etc. He is a very caring person, but, I've said to him so many times, that, I want to end this relationship because I don't want to upset my parents if they find out I'm seeing someone. It will jeopardise my marriage and in the end, I'll have a bad name. He understands this perfectly, so our meeting times are secret and short. He says, he doesn't want to hurt my parents nor jeopardise my marriage. He just wants me to stay happy.
He has also said, he cares for me deeply and loves me and also I've fallen for him too.. Please could you help me whether I should see this person or not. I know what I am doing is wrong but my husband doesn't treat me this way, nor does he cares for me. I only get the chance to see my husband on Sundays, as he works nights in a restaurant, and I work an afternoon shift. So we rarely see each other.
Please help!
Hi,
Im so sorry that you've got a marriage and an arranged marriage that isn't right fro you, you're not happy and that is a big strain on you and your home. You hardly ever see your husband and when you do its as if you don't exist or aren't there really.
I know that you've been taken aback by the affection shown to you by this other man, but you must be very careful, as most of the people at work will start to notice too, although you may not realise and before you know it your the talk of the building and will get a bad name. You've your son to think about and your reputation too. What if your husband does find out , what will happen then? will he throw you out? take your son away from you?
You will shame your family. wont you? Unfortunately it goes with the territory and arranged marriages in you're culture, you cant change that, Isn't there any family sister, mother auntie you can talk to? What about his family, cant you ask them to speak to your husband and see if he will try and show you some affection?
Why cant you ask him? yourself! why doesn't he have time off from work? make time for the family and ask him to do so too, its important tell him that you're worried you don't see each other you're becoming strangers and you feel unhappy about it two people with a lovely son a nice house and never seeing each other you need to build your relationship up together, get to know each other as well, tell him that (not sounding angry though) tell him you want to be happy with him but he too has to try you cant do it on your own it really takes two, there's two in this marriage or so you thought.
You want it to work (and it can) If you've sat and talked and things don't get any better then you have to find out where and what you want from your life and your child, Its really nice having a friend for a shoulder to cry on but let it just be to cry on, don't do anything else, you mustn't you're both married and it would be wrong anyway, tell him you value him as a good friend and he's been supportive, you want to make your own family unit with the father of your child and you will try to get things back on even keel. Try you must, to keep your life happy. I know you'll be Ok and you marriage will work with a bit of help and maintenance from you and your husband.
Good Luck
Caroline