I heard the door lock!
Caroline!
I don't normally do this, but i am struggling now to cope! I am a 18 years old girl from the United Kingdom and I am in a abusive relationship, well I think it is abusive, my so called boyfriend just thinks its fun! Is it? If you don't mind can I can you everything that has happened? He's called Simon and I have known him for a while, Simon is 24 yrs old and we have been together for over a year, i knew him bfore as someone i meet in a club! Well... about a year ago, we were at a party and I was having a few drinks but not many, but my drink was spiked, i needed the toilet and didn't know where it was, so this guy offered to show me the way.
As i was walking in the bathroom, he followed me in and sat on the side of the bath, and just looked at me! i just had to go even with him there! the remember getting up and heading for the door and all of the sudden being grabbed from behind and dragged on the floor, i heard the door lock and this guy was touching and saying i looked beautiful, i could feel his hands all over my body and next thing i knew he was inside me and cause i was not responding to his actions he was hitting me all over! I don't know if this was RAPE! there was a knock at the door and someone said to hurry up as they needed the loo! i was pulled up and dragged out of the toilet and into another room! where in come another man and they both were all over me! at this stage i was out of it, the next thing i remember was i was walking along an alleyway with simon. i got to simons flat, were i realised that i was bleeding down below and i was scared! i felt faint.
I still remember that feel a year and so later! i told simon, but simon said told me that i had just had a sex with his best mate. simon turned angry and pulled me to the ground and and hit me he also made me had sex with him! this happened on an occasions, about 4 times a week! he told me that i wasn't allowed to tell no one about it, if i did he would kill me! and i knew that that would be true! about 6 months later, he told me that he asked his mate to forced me into sex to see what i was like! i was a virgin before this all happened!
that isn't all, 3 moths ago I had this feeling that i was pregnant as I had all the causes of pregnancy! i told him and he pushed me down the stairs and realised again later that i was bleeding down below! and i lost loads of blood, i haven't been to a doc still today about it as I know what simon is like! I can not get out of this relationship he said he would seriously kill me and the rest of my family if i told or did anything about it! I am soooooooo scared, I cant turn to no one else apart from people like u!
Sometimes i feel that I wont mind if he kills me as I would feel peaceful, simon gets his mates in to watch and video us sometimes which i cant stand! is this rape? or are relationships always like this? Its nearly the new year and I don't want o go into that with a horrible feeling! I haven't been home for 4 days, I haven't seen my parents for days and I missed them at xmas!
PLEASE HELP ME!
Alison
Hi Alison,
You are not bothering me at all. And as Im a stranger I will not judge your past or present circumstances I only offer you some guidance on how to sort this mess out. The very first thing that you should do is contact your parents let them know that you're sorry you've not seen them and let them know your OK. You must tell them about your so called boyfriends behaviour you cannot carry this alone any longer, you need family support and backup, otherwise he's going to think you're all alone and thinks he can get away with anything! don't allow him to have this on you, you are not his possession you are your own person and deserve better than to be treated like some kind of plaything/toy/friends accessory. You must put a stop to this right now.
No one deserves to be treated with such disrespect EVER. So you have a few options here, find somewhere to live away from him and don't let anyone he knows find out, write him a letter and explain that you have to leave him you cannot bear to be treated like this any longer and find his behaviour/threats against you and your family unacceptable write to him telling him you wont stand for any more physical/mental and torturous abuse any longer tell him you did not like being abused etc..... (you must make a copy of this letter keep one for yourself. one to a trusted family member/close friend and if you want to be serious about this lodge a complaint and get a restraining order from a solicitor give them a copy of the letter too this is just inn case he does try anything you have evidence, and so do others he will be located and sent down.) Hopefully it wont come to that, you have rights as a human being to be treated with respect and decency.
Find yourself a good solicitor or go to the citizens advice bureau for more advice, you should start being assertive now and thinking about yourself and how you want to start living, if at all possible find a new location and get away from him, make a new start afresh for yourself. make sure that you stay away from him and if you've a restraining order then if he comes near you he can be arrested. You must fight for yourself now, be strong and confident you can break free from him, you don't need him, but you do need your self respect. you can get it back.
Please tell your mum and dad they may be able to help you in some way, parents are there when their child needs them.
You can sort this out, have some courage and have faith in yourself. If you check the help lines at the beginning of my agony pages there may be one to help a bit more with guidelines.
Regards
Caroline