Is there such a thing?
Dear Caroline,
I was going to start by stating that if possible I would like to give you a false name but as my email address is my name I guess I can't. I do not really know why I am writing this letter as I do not think that anyone can really help me with my "problem". I think I am after a bit of reassurance that I am not the only one and I think it may clear my mind a little bit just to get it off my chest. I apologise if this is not the kind of letter you expect to receive.
Basically I am 27 years old and I am still a virgin. The thing is, if I can be a bit bigheaded for a second, I am an intelligent person. Nothing special you understand just intelligent enough to realise that it's quite pathetic to be my age in my situation. I feel I do not fall into the stereotypical image of an ageing virgin. If there is such a thing.
I am not ugly (please do think of me as being arrogant as I do not think of myself as anything special either. I am just trying to be realistic). I have friends that I have grown up with all my life both male and female. I have had girlfriends in the past but it has never got the stage where sexual intercourse was relevant. Last year one of my best friends got married, last month another friend got engaged. Got married and engaged before I have even made love.
I must admit although I was overjoyed for my friends I was selfishly internally upset and angry at myself. All my freinds know and at first I thought that that was a good thing. As close mates are, male or not they were and are supportive. Yet it has got to the stage now that I am sure they think I am pathectic. I can never talk about it. Not to them. Don't get me wrong, they are the sort of freinds that if I sat down and told them things they would listen and offer advice but because of this situation I am becoming very intreverted and depressed.
I see other people, my freinds, my brothers ( I am the youngest of four) going out having fun, chatting to women, but as my confidence is depleting day by day I find myself staying alot. I haven't seen my main mates for a few weeks now. When I do go out with them I am basically a fifth wheel. We all get on great as we always have done but as soon as the subject of women comes up I have to switch off as I feel I do not have the right if you like to comment. Basically my confidence has been totally zapped.
I have tried to make this read as non-melodramatic as possible but to be honest there have been times when I have thought what am I going to do and I feel totally lost. There have been times when I just grab a bottle of spirits or even cannibis and just festa in a corner some where. I always hide it from people because I am deeply embarrassed and ashamed..... and nervous. But it has got to the stage where I just want to find some tiny corner somewhere where people can't see me and shrival away. Again, I realise that you are probably inundated with what most people would consider real problems so if this is not the usual kind of letter you receive I apologise and thank you for taking the time to read. I think writing this has actually made me feel better, but the problem still exists.
Thankyou
Hi
Sorry for the delay in my reply you would not believe the amount of letters mails, I've tried to get through this last fortnight!! I think I need some therapy!!!
Anyway! Your problem is not one really, your unique indeed you are only because you have yet to meet that special person who will enter your life and it will happen when the timing is right! you're still young you've got the opportunity to live a little before all the heartache, responsibility and real problems start you're the lucky one here.
Sometimes I bet your mates are thinking they'd like to be young free and single again! I bet you!! They may sometimes feel trapped in a relationship and want a bit of freedom, exactly the opposite to you and the way you feel, so you see quite simply everyone wants what the others have! they want your life, and you want to be like them, well don't stop fretting and worrying get on with your life and forget all this nonsense, you are who you are, where you are and what you are. so take a step back and think again. No responsibilities, No kids, No arguing, No having to clean up after someone else, you are free a s a bird and eventually Im quite sure that you will appreciate the freedom that you have now and look back in years to come and think wow It was good wasn't it?
Live life for you and stop thinking about others lives and what they may think about you. what's does it really matter anyway? enjoy you and be you, alone or with a partner. everything Im sure will fall into place when the timing is right for you, let me know and send me that invite to your wedding.......that I'm sure will happen one day until them enjoy what you have been given.
Regards
Caroline