How do I move on?
Dear Caroline,
I have just split up from my boyfriend tonight and am racked with self doubt. My ex husband and I split up when my son was 4 months old ( he is now 2 ) due to the fact I discovered he had been seeing someone else for 2 years.The decision was a relief at the time because he was treating me badly-staying out drinking with his mates all the time; verbally abusing me when he was at home.
11 months ago I started seeing Andrew. He is kind and gentle with a large sexual appetite as opposed to my ex's low one. He is very kind to my son. The relationship however has had its problems. He is very indecisive and has had 4 different jobs since I have known him. He is intelligent but seems not to trust his skills and hence only goes for low paid jobs which frustrate him and affect our relationship as he is always moaning but never doing anything about it. He has a very claustrophobic relationship with his mum who makes snide remarks about me.
If I ask him if he's applied for such and such job he calls me a nag. He has started to go out with his friends drinking more and more. I felt very possitive about ending the relationship this morning but am now very emotional after he begged me to reconsider. I am aware that two fears are surfacing as I write:- fear of lonliness (all my familly live far away and my friends all have busy famillies of their own) - fear of meeting someone else and they turn out to be nasty like my ex. Have I done the right thing? How do I move on from these fears? What is the best thing to do for my son as Andrew was very good to/with him?
I look forward to a possible reply.
R.
Hi, R.
Do you love your man now? How does he love you back? these key questions should eliminate any other areas problems you may have. You could arrange to spend some time helping him look for a job he'd like to do, help him fill forms without nagging him, and offer to write forms out for him if it'll make it easier for him. If you have a good relationship with him then you can work anything out if he and you want to and feel its worth saving or working out together.
You make it better, make it heal and stitch up the torn bits if you get my gist. problems are always tackled and worked out better if you deal with them instead of thinking and pondering about them take action take control and get to working it out/through together.
Your human intuition will always let you know if you like being with a person and if you don't, use that to make the decisions for making it better between you. Good feelings make foe a better atmosphere all round, bad feelings just make things worse.
Sort out you feelings and you'll know what the answer is.
Regards
Caroline